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Invalidation

Watch Alec Miller teach the skill of validation in a group setting.

From the course
DBT Skills for Adolescents and Families
What are some of the behaviors that people do that cause you to feel invalidated? What are some things that other people do that caused you, oh, sorry. What was I saying? What were you saying? Were you saying something? Not paying attention. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. So are there things that people do that cause you to feel invalidated? Cross their arms. Isa, tell me more about that. Yeah. Yeah, go on their phone. Yeah. So so the body language, right? So the crossing the arms, go on. This is, is this, is this not a universal Yeah. I'm not I'm semi interested in what you're saying, but I'm really interested in what's coming through my social media account. You know what I'm saying? Right? It's, like, that, that doesn't feel so validating Well, worse. I, I can do both. Oh, yeah. I can do both. I'm listening thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm listening. I'm listening. Yeah. That's a universal one. Right, honey? What are some other behaviors? Checking your watch. Checking your watch. Yeah. Any words? Like, can they say words? Words? They can act like they're smarter than you about something? Yeah. So they act like this, smart you let-- and then they put you down some ways. Mhmm. Like like saying certain things. Mhmm. Like it's ridiculous or stupid or things like Like, and I don't think sometimes they even mean it, but they're like, okay. Like, but why would you think that way? And I'm like, Yeah. Everybody has different views. Nice. Right. Why would you think that? Well, right? Would the eye roll going? Yeah. Maybe even like the tone of voice for example, like, the test taking things if somebody's like, oh, what'd you get? And you say, like, an 85 or something, then they're like, oh, that's good. I I don't know. It's condescending. Yeah. It's condescending. So, like, I only got a 93. Why not just pat you on the Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. That's good. Right. So there are a lot of different kinds of nonverbal behaviors, as well as verbal behaviors, that we can experience as invalidating.