The Three Happiness Myths
Many popular ideas about happiness will actually make you miserable if you hold on to them tightly or let them dictate how you live your life. And there are three big myths in particular that create this happiness trap. Happiness myth number one. Happiness is the natural state for human beings. You've probably heard this myth in many different forms that if we get food, water, shelter, and loving relationships, we should just naturally be happy.
But the reality is that the normal state for a human being is an ever changing flow of emotions. Emotions are like the weather continually changing from moment to moment. You wouldn't say that the natural state for the weather is a warm spring sunny afternoon. It's natural that in winter it's going to be colder and in summer it's going to be hotter.
And so it is with our emotions. You expect to feel anxious in challenging situations with an uncertain outcome. You expect to feel sadness when you experience an important loss. Happiness myth number two, happiness means feeling good. If you look at most dictionary definitions of happiness, it's described as a state of pleasure or contentment. Well if this is your notion of happiness there's no such thing as lasting happiness.
Because how long does a state of pleasure or contentment last for? A more realistic and useful definition of happiness is living a rich, full and meaningful life in which we feel the full range of human emotions. So this holds true for really any meaningful life project from building a career to looking after your body or building a family. The things that make life deeply fulfilling give rise to plenty of painful emotions as well as some very pleasant ones.
Happiness myth number three, if you're not happy, you're defective. More and more normal human emotions are being pathologized. If you're not feeling good, there must be something wrong with you and maybe you need some medication to fix it. Life isn't easy. It can be hard and challenging. The reality is if you are not happy, you're normal.