Values vs Goals
Now before we go any further, I want to spend a little bit of time teasing out the difference between values and goals almost everyone gets confused about this. Goals are things that you are trying to achieve or complete or have or own or get and a goal can theoretically be completed or achieved. You can take it off the list. It's done goal completed. Values are quite different values basically describe deep in my heart how I want to treat myself and others and the world around me on an ongoing basis every step of the way towards achieving my goals and whether I do achieve my goals or whether I don't. So to make this clear let's take the example of marriage vs. being loving. Suppose you really want to get married. Some people really do.
If so, then marriage is your goal. It's something you're moving towards something you're aiming to achieve. Incomplete and marriage is a goal that can theoretically be achieved. You find that partner you have that wedding ceremony. Your marriage is completed and it's a goal that you can achieve several times in a life. Tick marriage number two, Tick marriage number three. Now suppose that you really want to be a loving person you want to be loving towards your friends towards the people you care about.
You can live the value of being loving right here, right now, in this moment. Even if you never achieve the goal of marriage, even if you never have a boyfriend or a girlfriend you can live the value of being loving in so many different ways loving towards yourself loving towards your dog, your cat, your friends, your neighbors. You can even be loving towards your houseplants. At this point in time as we're actually filming this, I am not currently married. Now I was married at a point in the past. I did achieve that goal. But I'm not anymore. However, I can still have my value of being loving.
If I had my houseplants here I could be loving to my houseplants. I can type pour some water on them or put them into the sunlight and so forth. And if my son was here right now I could be loving towards him. So there are many, many ways, I can live this value of being loving.
Whether or not I ever go on to get married again at some point in the future. It's very important to recognize this distinction because it can enable us to have a lot more fulfillment in life, it may be that my goals are a long way off. They may even be impossible. You never really know if you'll achieve them. But my values can be lived right here, right now. And thus give me a lot more fulfillment.
Of course, there's a flip side to this. I could achieve the goal of marriage and neglect the value of being loving and of course, that won't do the marriage any good at all. Now throughout this program, we'll continually be coming back to this distinction between values and goals. Goals are very, very important. And we will be spending time on the nuts and bolts of goal setting, but in this approach values come first, we use our values to guide the goals that we set. We use our values to motivate us and inspire us to do the hard work necessary to achieve those goals.
And we get the satisfaction and fulfillment of living our values every step of the way as we progress towards our goals, even if we don't actually end up achieving them. So now, without any further a due and get to take you for a little exercise to help you get really clear about the difference between values and goals.