Question 1

Any tips on helping perfectionists who express difficulty understanding why anyone wouldn't seek to work to the highest level possible - believing it doesn't make sense to lower their standards to do an "average" job - perceiving it as lazy?

Elliot Cohen · Accepted Answer

Being perfect and being "average" are not the only alternatives. You can also be above average without being perfect. If you shoot for perfection, you are not likely to reach your goal, although you may do better than average. There is nothing wrong with striving to be perfect, even if you won't end up getting there. This is what I call aspirational perfectionism (https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/self-help/demanding-perfectionism-and-your-health-ten-types-of-perfectionism-and-how-they-may-be-adversely-affecting-your-physical-and-mental-heath/), and it can be a healthy form of perfectionism. What is unhealthy (creates self-destructive emotions and actions) is demanding perfectionism, which involves demanding that you be perfect. Thus, you may tell yourself, "I must be perfect, so if I'm not, then I'm a worthless screwup." So, you live a roller-coaster existence, never knowing when you will falter next and lose your status as a worthy person because you are always, yes always, subject to screwing up now and in the future. This can generate much anxiety, so you are better off giving up your demanding perfectionism. "Okay, so what if I'm not perfect! I can still shoot for the stars, even if I don't reach them. Nothing wrong with trying my very best if I don't beat the hell out of myself when I (inevitably, sooner or later) fall short!"

Question 2

How do I convince my inner child that I am not entitled to get a 100% fair life, that not everyone has to SEE and validate me, that I DO have the capability to feel safe without constantly having to FORCE reality into something that needs to be safer?

Elliot Cohen · Accepted Answer

The word "convince" is double-edged because you can be convinced on an intellectual level but not on an emotional level. Convincing on an intellectual level involves refuting (https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=MUywElKhBXo) your "inner child's" thinking, that is, showing that it is irrational — leads to contradictions, absurdities, unrealistic, lacks evidence, or contains double standards. So maybe you are demanding that others always treat you fairly, but have you always treated others fairly? Where is it written that you must always be treated unfairly while, as a matter of fact, there are unjust wars, lying, cheating, stealing, and many other varieties of unfair treatment committed against others? If it were truly necessary that you always be treated fairly, then why is it that you, no less than others, are, in fact, treated unfairly at times?

So, maybe you get it but still feel lousy about being treated unfairly, and it is putting a damper on your life. For example, maybe you were passed over for a promotion that you deserved and are still down in the dumps about it even though you realize on an intellectual level that what is and what should be do not always align.

To emotionally convince yourself involves further work on your part. For this purpose, Logic-Based Therapy (LBT) provides a six-step cognitive-emotional-behavioral process you can use. Generally stated, this involves reframing your situation by embracing a new philosophy that promotes greater security (on an affective level) about the imperfections of reality. I call the latter virtue, Metaphysical Security. Building this virtue involves applying your new uplifting philosophy to your life. This means acting on it. So, instead of throwing a tantrum about not receiving the promotion, you reflect philosophically on it. "Well, such is the nature of reality. It does not always deliver what I would prefer, but looking at it from a broader philosophical perspective, it is rather awesome how it continues to raise new challenges to overcome and new avenues to pursue; instead of being some boring sequence in which no one ever upsets the apple cart!" And then you can act on your philosophy by looking for new ways of self-expression, perhaps finding a job with more growth potential! When you feel such excitement about this new stage in your life, you are resonating with your philosophy, and you have, as such, emotionally convinced your "inner child" to stop demanding that reality be perfect before you can find peace of mind and happiness in the world.

Six-step cognitive-emotional-behavioral process - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201403/logic-based-therapy-go

Question 3

Is there a relationship between perfectionism and performance?

Elliot Cohen · Accepted Answer

Yes, there is. Perfectionists may demand that they perform perfectly in anything from athletics and the arts to tests and work products. In sexual relations, for example, performance perfectionism can lead to performance anxiety. "I must get and sustain an erection (or organism), and if I don't, I will prove myself an unworthy partner—and, as such, not a "real" man (woman). Here you deduce self-damnation from demanding perfectionism and thus defeat your own purposes by stressing yourself out about your future performance, which, in turn, produces just what you are afraid of:  sexual dysfunction.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201105/some-tips-overcoming-sexual-performance-anxiety

Question 4

How often do perfectionists also have a psychological disorder?

Elliot Cohen · Accepted Answer

There are a number of mental disorders that may stem from perfectionism. Individuals who have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=33zG4NdCBNg) typically present with a demand for certainty that they would not do anything morally wrong (moral obsessiveness) or that bad things won't happen to them or their loved ones (existential obsessiveness). Because this perfectionistic demand cannot ever be fulfilled (because there is always still a chance of the dreaded possibility actually happening), the individual becomes immersed in a vicious, endless cycle of checking to see if the demand has been met.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201709/the-epistemology-narcissistic-personality-disorder) also appears to be propelled by an epistemic demand for perfection wherein individuals with NPD demand that reality conforms to their beliefs, values, or preferences rather than conversely. For example, if such an individual believes that he is the victor in a competitive activity (never minding clear evidence to the contrary), then he must indeed be the victor, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong and unworthy of consideration or respect.

Further, the comorbidity of anxiety disorders such as General Anxiety Disorder and depressive disorders such as Major Depressive Disorder appears to be driven by a perfectionistic demand for certainty that "catastrophic" ("terrible,” "horrible," or "awful") events not happen (in the future). When such events are thought or imagined to have actually happened, the anxiety then turns into depression. Consequently, I have referred to anxiety as "depression waiting to happen (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201706/anxiety-depression-waiting-happen)."

Question 5

What CBT and LBT tools are most helpful for the treatment of perfectionism?

Elliot Cohen · Accepted Answer

In my book, Cognitive Behavior Interventions for Self-Defeating Thoughts, I have discussed a number of interventions for overcoming various types of perfectionism at the roots of problems such as risk aversion, OCD, low frustration tolerance, Dependent Personality Disorder, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, among others. These include identification of the syndromes of fallacies deduced from a variety of perfectionism types (for example, deducing self-damnation from a demand for approval in clients with low self-reliance); cognitive-affective imagery exercises utilizing philosophy to reverse negative feelings associated with perfectionistic demands; forms of meditation such as mindfulness and loving-kindness; different types of logical refutation; philosophical reframing using uplifting philosophies to interpret guiding virtues; behavioral exercises such as shame attacking, risk-taking, and goal-oriented assignments; and bibliotherapy (including literature, movies, music, and videos).

https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavior-Interventions-Self-Defeating-Thoughts/dp/0367460718

Question 6

What is your definition of perfectionism, and what are the signs to look for? Is it more about low self-esteem and earning approval than trying to be your best?

Elliot Cohen · Accepted Answer

In my book, Making Peace with Imperfection, I discuss 10 types of perfectionism:  Achievement, Approval, Moral, Control, Expectation, Ego-Centered, Treatment, Neatness, and Certainty. Some of these, such as Achievement, Approval, Control, and Moral Perfectionisms, make a demand on oneself. Some types, such as Expectation, Ego-Centered, and Treatment, make a demand on other people. Still, other types, such as Existential, Neatness, and Certainty Perfectionisms make a demand on the world.

All types of perfectionism have in common demanding perfection. There are at least five attributes of such a demand: (1) Your "must" becomes a law unto you; (2) Any alternatives just "can’t” happen; (3) It’s all or nothing, with no middle ground; (4) the bar is set beyond what is reasonably possible; and (5) Your demand is groundless—you lack evidence to support it.

Are all types of perfectionism about low self-esteem and earning approval? Indeed, the types that make a demand on oneself tend to be about “low self-esteem,” that is, low self-rating. For instance, in Approval Perfectionism, the client deduces self-damnation from not gaining the approval of others. In cases of Achievement Perfectionism, the client may seek to be his best as a means to gaining the approval of others, so that it is about both being one’s best and earning approval, the former being a means to the latter. However, other types of perfectionism may be about neither low self-rating nor the approval of others, such as Existential Perfectionism, which makes a demand on the world, that bad things not happen to oneself or one’s loved ones.

https://www.amazon.com/Making-Peace-Imperfection-Perfectionism-Self-Acceptance/dp/1684032989

Question 7

What is Logic-Based Therapy (LBT) and how is it different to REBT?

Elliot Cohen · Accepted Answer

The keynote of Logic-Based Therapy (LBT) is that people upset themselves by deducing self-defeating conclusions from irrational premises. So, LBT uses a deductive model whereas REBT uses a causal model. According to the latter, the way we think about the events in our lives, together with the events themselves, causes us to become upset and act imprudently. In essence, its goal is to discover the causal (https://rebtnetwork.org/essays/logic.html) laws that produce irrational emotions and behavior.

In contrast, LBT recasts the latter causal model in terms of premises and conclusions utilizing the mechanism of the practical syllogism, first introduced by Aristotle, and looks at whether the reasoning a client does is rational or irrational. So, the emphasis is on justification, not causation. This makes LBT a form of philosophical counseling or therapy since philosophy is concerned with argumentation, not finding causal relationships.

Further, LBT introduces a more extensive set of irrational thinking (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aEJd5tDTMgl0brHDvex6OE2uFQI51iSS/view), which incorporates many so-called informal fallacies that philosophers look for in faulty thinking. This includes such types as jumping on the bandwagon/ parroting, manipulation (such as appeal to force, pity, and well-poisoning), “the-world-revolves-around-me” thinking, stereotyping, dilemma thinking, “Had things been different” fallacy, magical thinking, post hoc fallacy, superstition, among others. It also introduces others such as can’tstipation and dutiful worrying (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201104/are-you-dutiful-worrier).

Further, for each of these fallacies, it introduces a “guiding virtue” (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1828Kc1GRz888bdoOTgjq0QfqTNN4JPGt/view) that serves as a corrective for it. For example, the guiding virtue of stereotyping is the virtue of Objectivity; of manipulation, Empowerment; of “the-world-revolves-around-me” thinking, Empathy; of catastrophic thinking, Courage; of damnation, Respect; and of distorting probabilities, Foresightedness.
Further, it permits a wide range of diverse “uplifting” philosophies, both western (https://www.pdcnet.org/ijpp/content/ijpp_2005_0002_0004_0010_0019) and non-western--such as varieties of Buddhism (https://www.pdcnet.org/ijpp/content/ijpp_2015_0003_0003_0041_0067) and Indian philosophy (https://www.pdcnet.org/ijpp/content/ijpp_2021_0007_0001_0041_0060), to support and interpret the guiding virtues. This ranges from Plato’s distinction between the ideal world of forms and the material world, Sartre’s idea that “Existence precedes Essence,” Buddhism’s doctrine of non-self, Kant’s “categorical imperative”; to Lao Tzu’s Taoism, to name just a few.
REBT is the parent of LBT and thus retains its emphasis on the Stoic idea that it is not the events that upset us but rather our interpretation of them. It also stresses the importance of behavioral change but perceives this in the context of Aristotle’s idea of building virtuous dispositions or habits (https://www.pdcnet.org/ijpp/content/ijpp_2020_0006_0001_0001_0014) (the guiding virtues) through practice.
LBT has also recently integrated neuroscience (https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/mono/10.4324/9781003026730-5-8/neuropsychology-logic-based-therapy-elliot-cohen) to develop its logical framework and use of philosophy and virtue theory to help people overcome their emotional and behavioral problems.

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