A child who grows up in a secure attachment situation gets to see a reflection of themselves as seen through their parents' eyes that is positive and good. However, if I grew up in a situation where the parents were not secure and they were not able to attune and mirror back to me, then I likely have very low self worth at my core. And this really runs across all of the attachment disturbances. Folks who have that preoccupied or disorganized presentation will tell you about it very likely.
However, clients with that dismissive presentation may present themselves as feeling very strong, independent, really share the positive aspects of themselves quite readily. However, remember that that is a defense and that deep down there might be a a deep core of insecurity. And as you move into, you know, targeting, reprocessing material, it's important to know that this may be related to those negative cognitions. This low self worth can be deeply entrenched because it goes back so far and also because it can be part of sort of survival in the family.
Sometimes if I criticize myself, if I keep myself in a one down position, it can actually reduce some of the criticism coming from the parent. That deeply entrenched low self worth often affects people through all their relationships to where they believe others are judging them. They cannot believe that somebody else could have positive regard for them, even including the therapist. As a therapist, I wanna stay very nonjudgmental and collaborative with my client in order to avoid kind of triggering some of those anxieties and fears. And also I want to make sure that I am reflecting back, mirroring back a positive view of that client and really reinforcing anything that I see in terms of positive qualities or positive gains, courageous steps that they've made.
I wanna use my relationship to help them feel that connection and feel good about that.