Reviewing a choice point from the last session
ACT for BeginnersAshley is the mother of four young children. She is the primary caregiver, her husband is often away for extended periods of time. She is in particular, having a lot of difficulties in the relationship with her oldest teenage daughter who has become very rebellious and defiant and she's experiencing a lot of anxiety, depression, and guilt, largely related to the stresses of her role as a mother. This is the kind of choicepoint that we kinda drew up last time, it strikes me that I kind of know a lot about that the difficulties going on in your life with your husband and your kids and all of those stresses a lot about your difficult thoughts and feelings, your kind of anger and frustration with the kids and your anger with your husband for being away so much. And a lot about your thoughts. How your mind keeps beating you up and telling you the bad mother's story and you're not dealing with the kids and all this kind of stuff.
And all of this judgments about the kids. Why can't they just sort themselves out? All that kind of stuff. I know a lot about kind of the thoughts and feelings that are hooking you and jerking you around a lot about that the real, real problems that you're facing. And I know a lot about your away moves here. We wrote down some of the main ones you know shouting at the kids, exploding, losing your temper, locking yourself in the bedroom playing on the computer to get away from the kids and leaving the kids to their own devices too much to handle and kind of you know shouting matches with your oldest daughter and all that kind of stuff. So we don't really. My sense is that this kind of the towards moves are a bit vague at the moment.
We've got written down improve things with James, build a better family life, handle the kids better, peaceful family, you know? But I'd really like to get a better sense of what that really means that would look like because you know all of these unhooking skills that you're practicing are really to help you unhook from those difficult thoughts and feelings so that you can act more effectively in those situations, be more of the person you want to be, achieve these kind of things that you've put down. It's that? So, is it okay, if we make that the main focus for today's session? So, really kind of want to get a sense then you said, there's so many different important relationships to you, you know?
And we didn't even write down the ones about your brother, and what he's going through. So, that's also a big source of stress. If we were going to just get a pick one of these relationships to start off with one of your children or with your husband, which one should we just start having to look at first because we try to do them all at once, it's just overwhelming. OK. So, if we maybe look at Chelsea. Chelsea. Yeah. And she's 16, right? Yes. I know that because I wrote it down. And, you know, what's the most difficult thing going on with Chelsea?
Well, it's like we just fight continuously. So I can't help it. And whether it's just something ingrained in me because that's what my parents did to me or whatever. Every time she does something I have to. Well, to me, it's wrong. Everything she does is wrong. Yeah. And I'm just trying to help her.
So, she doesn't get a bad reputation for herself. You know, get something bad happened like, with my brother. Like, I don't want her to end up doing the wrong type of drugs or something. And then she ends up in a psychosis. So yeah, you know I'm just really fearful she just gets a bad reputation with boys or and then can't get a job. Like it's just it's all you worried about. Yeah. Yeah. And you want the best for.
I want the best for her. And I don't want her to have to suffer. Yeah, but we just fight. Yeah. She screams, she hates me. And then. So, she doesn't get to see all the kind of love and caring that's underneath this. She gets to see what's at the surface that the kind of shouting.
Yeah, just me just exploding, I guess. Underneath all of that, you just love. Yeah, this girl is your baby. Still a baby in your eyes. It's. Yeah. And it's hard because I see the baby that she was. And I can see that then now she's all grown up. And I feel like it's two different people to what I imagined she was going to be.
And to what she is. And it's just I feel heartbreaking. Then I worry if something happens to them. We don't get through this time and they're just constant worry about everything. Yeah, sure. I mean, I mean. You know what I see here right now is just so much love.