Anger Management refers to a set of validated strategies (practical steps) that aim to reduce the frequency, intensity and duration of dysfunctional anger. For us, anger management has three components (1) education to learn about anger as a sometimes useful but often problematic emotion, (2) understanding our anger episode model that shows what happens each time anger occurs, and (3) applying up to 10 scientifically supported strategies to reduce anger. Our SMART anger management program can be completed by reading and applying what is found in our self-help book, Anger Management for Everyone (2019) or with the help of a psychologist or other mental health professional.

Let’s face it, it’s difficult to be a teenager and there are plenty of situations that can lead to anger. Academic stress, social acceptance and rejection, physical appearance (e.g., weight, acne), gossip, dating, and exploring independence are just a few. Most teens have not developed coping mechanisms that come from years of life experiences and the wisdom that arises from facing adversity. Also, brain functioning is still developing and “executive functions” or thinking constructively about problems does not fully emerge until about age 25. Teens often become impulsively angry and are seen as immature by adults who tell them to not “ be a baby” or to “grow up.” In the face of family members and others who are not sympathetic teens are likely to internalize difficult emotions such as anger. They hold their anger inside, ruminate about their problems privately, and stuff up their feelings. This suggests how important it is to improve communication by being a good listener. You might begin with statements such as, “You seem to be a bit stressed today. Tell me what’s going on?” Or, “It must have been hard to hear that the other kids were talking about you behind your back. How are you dealing with that?” The goal is to open the conversation, elicit the teen’s perspective, and pull back from criticisms and advice giving so that less internalization will occur.

Yes, anger management works! Scientific reviews, known as meta-analyses, provide strong evidence that with the use of validated strategies (practical steps for changing behaviors) most people who complete anger management programs improve. Of course, change is not easy. Most angry folks have practiced being angry for years and their anger habits are well ingrained and seem almost automatic. When conflicts and challenges occur in their lives, anger is the default response. The secrets to changing such patterns are well-known. First, the person must recognize and accept the fact that anger is not working for them. This means looking at the effect anger has on their relationships, career, and inner peace. It’s also common for people to blame others for their anger. This is rarely helpful, so recognizing that strong and long-lasting anger is really a form of self-inflicted distress is an important first step. Second, since much anger is habitual, change means working persistently on learning new reactions to difficult situations. Just like batting practice leads to improvement in baseball and practicing a foreign language eventually leads to fluency in that language, practicing anger management skills can lead to less anger, increased effectiveness, and a happier life.

Remember, anger is part of our natural threat-protective system. We would all be quick to anger to a 100 if we saw a strange adult kicking our young son or heard a teacher belittling our daughter. Such reactions are understandable. For some people, however, anger develops into a quick, habitual, and non-thoughtful reaction to all sorts of everyday provocations that are not very threatening. When anger goes from 0 to 100 rapidly, it suggests an automatic habit. The problem with these impulsive anger reactions is that they do not allow the person to think through what is happening. One way to break this automatic cycle is by practicing exposure to real-life triggers. Overcoming anxiety and shyness, for example, often involves helping people face the very situations they avoid. When it comes to anger, the approach is similar. The key to success is to repeatedly practice replacing automatic-like anger reactions with new and better kinds of thinking and behaving that are likely to produce more positive results. Techniques such as relaxation, meditation and mindfulness can also be very helpful in learning how to prevent anger from quickly escalating.

A primary emotion is one that all human beings are capable of experiencing, that doesn’t have to be learned, and is a direct reaction to a situation. A secondary emotion is a response to the primary emotion. In both the animal and human world, when threats are perceived we can fight, take flight, or freeze. If it seems that we can overcome the perceived threat, we engage in an anger-oriented fight response (animals and people become enraged, hiss or yell, and move against the perceived enemy). If it seems like we cannot overcome the perceived threat, we either flee (that withdrawal is basically anxiety) or freeze which represents putting the fight or flight response on temporary hold. All three are direct responses to perceived threats and are primary reactions. The notion that we feel something before we feel angry is unlikely to be true. However, we are complicated creatures and can experience multiple emotions in response to challenges. Examples of secondary emotions might be guilt or shame, which represent emotional responses after we evaluate our initial reactions to problems. Also, we note that almost all emotion theorists consider anger to be a basic and fundamental emotion. Like anxiety or depression, it warrants its own diagnosis although none currently exist. Anger is usually not secondary and can certainly be considered a legitimate target of intervention in its own right.

Pushing or coercing acquaintances, colleagues, friends or loved ones into therapy usually fails. In our experience, adults who are forced into anger management do not come with an open attitude. The key to success comes from helping them recognize that holding on to anger and bitterness, and staying stuck in a cycle of angry reactions, is more likely to be harmful than helpful. This can be accomplished by exploring the outcomes of specific anger episodes (e.g., “What good came out of your anger in this situation?”; “What was not so good about your anger in this situation?”). Angry clients typically do not recognize that their anger is more destructive for them than for the target of their anger. The key is to allow the angry person to engage in self-reflection and come to their own conclusion that they may benefit from anger management.

All human emotions are functional. Throughout our evolutionary history they helped us to survive. Anger emerged as a reaction to threat. For example, in other animals such lions and chimpanzees, when territory or mates or offspring are threatened, they growl and show their teeth in an attempt to scare off the intruders. We do not growl, but we do raise our voices, glare, and give verbal warning to others when we feel threatened. In that sense anger is natural as it is a residual part of our past. Today, however, most threats are verbal or social in nature as when we discover others think we are not intelligent or attractive or trustworthy, or when we discover they are gossiping about us. These modern-day triggers do not call for a strong anger or aggressive reaction. Unfortunately, the importance and power of such insults is frequently blown way out of proportion. Some mild and moderate anger can be positive, operating like an internal GPS system – signaling that something isn’t right and energizing us to face a problem that is being avoided, to stick up for ourselves, or to make an important life change. Anger can also lead to zest, excitement, and passion. Anger, at this milder end of the spectrum, is life-enhancing.

A lifetime of frequent and strong anger can take a heavy toll. The negative effects can be divided into those that are intrapersonal (within the person) and those that are interpersonal (between people). Within the person, anger often involves dwelling on problems and frequently wondering why other people have acted as they did. It involves blaming others for acting as they supposedly should not have behaved. Much of this rumination occurs at night, leading to sleep problems. Anger also leads to inflammation, which is the body’s way of fighting infections, injuries, and toxins. The body releases chemicals to trigger a response from the immune system. Over the long term, this leads to an increased risk of high blood pressure, stokes, and various cardiac events. At the interpersonal level, long-term anger leads to increased distance between people. Holding on to anger leads to more problems at work, strained family relationships, and fewer social connections. Nobody wants to hug a porcupine. Similarly, it unpleasant to be near people who lash out at others and complain about life’s unfairness.