We've talked about this before that, like, the sadness shows up and then pretty quickly, some version of shame and anger show up and that's kind this tug of war. Where it kind of seems like a good starting place to me is the shame side of it. And the reason that I'm attached to that side of it is because I would like us as quickly as we can get you there to get some relief from what seems like the really kind of self critical place that you can go with this. Like, seems like if we could get some relief from from the part of you that's like, ugh, you know, you've said like, you know, maybe it was me the whole time.
Maybe I made the whole thing up. Maybe I am all the things that she said about me in the room. Yeah. But also, you know, Sarah did a lot of stuff too. For sure. And it yeah. Sometimes I blame myself, but like Sarah, she there's no there's no other word I can possibly say besides she manipulated me. She manipulated me. She made me think that we were one thing And turned around and told me that I got it wrong.
Right. That's that's textbook manipulation and gaslighting. Oh, and I am let me be absolutely clear that I one hundred percent think that your anger at her and some of what sounds a little bit like like disgust, like who does that? Like that I I think that makes total sense. And you have told me some things like like the things that that came out of her mouth in that breakup like I am You. I am totally right there with you. This is not at all me saying we need to work on you because that's not a problem. Here is my hypothesis. This is what I'm thinking is that right now, your main way of reducing one of your main ways of reducing the side that says, it's me.
Like if I can kind of shorthand this, right, It's me. Right? The side of you that sometimes is like, oh, I was the problem. Right? Then the other side is that it's that Sarah's the problem. Right? So you think that I was probably the problem as well then?
Oh gosh. I hope it doesn't sound like that because I really don't believe that. What I think is that inside of you, you have a tug of war, and that when when you concentrate on this side that Sarah did things that were problematic, that you and I both agree are problematic. That you're kind of stuck with anger and keeps you a little bit stuck in the breakup because this part is painful in a different way. I just Yeah. What doesn't sit right about that? Well, I've been struggling with feeling like this may have been my fault as well, but I don't truly believe that.
But now I'm talking to you and you're telling me like, yeah, this this might be partially your problem and we should fix that. And it I I just at my core, don't truly believe that it was my fault. I just think that sometimes I have these intrusive thoughts that make me think that it might have been my thought. But So let me see if I have this right. Because I think that it's like when you you're like, I know.
Like you have a belief in your wise mind. This I know. This is not I did not do this. This is the whole thing is not on me. And that I think you lose that side sometimes. You lose what is actually true about that. That's the shame part, is the part that's not right, that feels really extreme when you get on the side of it must have all been my fault. I think it just hurts more when somebody else is saying it. Saying which part?
Like, what part what am I saying that's landing really hard? Just that it might it might, you know, have ended because of something I did. And, like, there is truth to that, and I wanna keep denying it.