The Impacts of Attachment Panic
EFT: Attachment Science in PracticeI want you to notice here what she's talking about, she really is talking about attachment panic, which has a survival significance. It's got an urgency to it. Listen to what she says. She says, basically, I'm starting to lose my confidence in everything. I don't have the grounding now of being able to count on anybody. You really see here how powerful attachment security is and how powerful and incapacitating emotional disconnection is.
What's most alive for you right now, Lianne? The fear or the sadness? I mean, we're not talking about the anger here. The anger is what happens sort of on the surface. Right? It's like the anger's like you saying, I'm not gonna let this happen or, you know, I can't bear this. I'm not gonna do this. Right? The anger pushes you to go towards him.
Right? But what's coming up for you right now? What can you feel in your chest right now? I think I think today I feel sad. Do you? And I think that Historically up until the last couple of weeks, it's been definitely more fear, and that fear has come out in everything. Like, I and I probably don't even tell you this, but I'm terrified when Joel's out at night that he's not gonna come home. And that's why I always am, like, is Joel home? Is his car back?
Did he, you know, make sure he's not texting and driving? This is your son. Yeah. And and so I just, again, I never was like that before. I was not scared of anything, and thats probably why it's hard for you to understand. And now I won't like, You-- You help me. Well, I'm hearing you help me so that I get it right.
Suddenly out of the blue you got kidney cancer and your whole life changed. And with it, your confidence in you and Craig being able to stand together and face life together and deal with things together. And you've never been able to get that confidence back. So it's left you with this heightened sense of vulnerability. Right? So now you-- you you stay at home, and you think of all the things that can go wrong, something might happen with your son. Right? Your son, maybe he's not okay. Where is he? Suddenly, you're aware of how vulnerable you are.
Yeah? Yep. Yeah. I-- I think I totally lost my confidence in every in every aspect. With my career, with everything. Right. And your confidence that you and Craig could come together and deal with things together. That's a hard place to be. So suddenly you are much more vulnerable, you're afraid. You know you're more vulnerable in your life. You think of all the places you're vulnerable, of all the losses that could happen.
You could maybe lose your kid. Right? Because the other loss came out of the blue. And suddenly, that makes you massively sensitive to everything that's happening here because When you were most vulnerable of all, you guys missed each other and your man wasn't able to be there for you, and you faced that feeling all alone. You faced the fear of dying all in a, didn't you? Yeah. Right. And it felt like he was more concerned about paying bills. And I was worried if I was even gonna live to see my kids graduate.