Healing Attachment Injuries
EFT: Attachment Science in PracticeHere, you see me moving into move three of the tango with Lianne. And I want you to note that when I set up this enactment with her husband. I basically say, I want you to touch and hold on to your fear and then tell him about it. Right, from a place of vulnerability. Right? And she's able to do that.
But I want you to note that the reason she's able to do that is I've gone through her fear with her. So then I say, good. Now turn and tell this organized experience of fear. This fear that we have together, we have ordered, right, and made sense of, turn and tell him about it clearly. Part of you is saying to him, how could you leave me all alone with that fear?
How could you leave me all alone? Right? And that's the sadness that come up and the fear that comes up. I'm vulnerable. Life's bigger than me. Bad things could happen, and I'll be all by myself. Yeah. Yeah. I hear you, and that's a hard place to be. That terrifies all of us. Yeah. Can you tell that can you tell him what that fear feels like?
You feel vulnerable and that it looked like death was coming for you. Right? And you still get all caught up in I can't face it alone. It's too hard. Aight. Could you tell him? I-- I know that you thought that because my mom was there that I was okay. But I don't even know how to explain it to you that, I mean, you are the most important person to me, you matter more than anybody else.
You are the one that comforts me. I needed you. And I'm so scared. I'm scared this will happen again. It still hurts. Right. This still hurts that you turned away from me when I was so scared, and the fear still I'm still scared. I'm scared. I show you my anger. But in fact, I'm scared, and I'm afraid. I'm afraid, I'm alone facing my by myself. Right? Yeah. That's what you're telling him? Does that feel right?
Yeah. And I don't wanna be alone in a house with somebody. I don't wanna feel alone. I'm alone and I'm scared. Underneath all this anger. I'm just alone and scared. Right. And it was you I needed. Yeah. Is that okay? What happens to you when she says that? Can you hear her? What happens to you when she says that? Well, obviously I'm sad that I wasn't there for her because I'd like to think I'm always there for her and You wanna be there for her.
For her? You say it brings up sadness too. When I hear her say this, it brings up sadness. Yeah. Mhmm. I like to try and do the right things, and sometimes my I don't know if it's logical sense comes in, and that's when I That's probably when I do the wrong things is when I'm thinking logically. I don't know. Yeah. That's so human. Yeah. You go in your hand. You go in your hand, and you try to figure You say I gotta figure it out.
Well, I gotta fix this. I gotta figure it out. So you listen to your logic and your logic said, Lianne's okay. She's with her mom. And what I gotta do is do what men are supposed to do. I gotta pay the bills. I gotta I gotta cope here. Right? So are you going to your module? Yeah. At that time, I-- I did. I thought that because her mom was there, she would be okay.
I was fairly confident with what the doctors had said about. You didn't quite understand how scared she was? No. No. And we-- I hadn't seen the doctor I didn't know my prognosis yet. No. I yeah. But you did say to me that weekend, it it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay. You said to yourself, everything's okay.
She's with her mom. It'll be alright, and I'll stay in my head, and I'll take care of my logic, and I'll perform the way men are supposed to perform. I'll go and pay the bills. Yeah. That was you trying to take care of something according to your logic. Yeah? Yes. Cheeky part is the the logic's playing a certain kind of music, and tricky part is we weren't able to tune into the music she was playing, which was she skipped.