Differentiation of self is described as the cornerstone concept that links to all the other seven. It is the continuum of emotional maturity in individuals and the family system. Briefly, it is the degree to which people can maintain attachment while also maintaining distinctiveness. It involves connecting without fusing in relationships and intra-psychically, being able to integrate emotions and thinking. This concept can be misunderstood as individuation, which devalues deep connections and emotional experience. Bowen was clear that it was about the capacity to maintain balance – not intellect over emotion or autonomy over connection. 

https://www.thefsi.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Bowen-Family-Systems-Theory-and-Practice_Illustration-and-Critique.pdf

https://www.thefsi.com.au/definitions-bowen-theory/

https://www.jennybrown.info/resilience-relationships-2/

Read introduction to Growing Yourself Up – https://www.amazon.com/Growing-Yourself-Up-bring-relationships-ebook/dp/B075N5LWZT/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=&asin=B075N5LWZT&revisionId=&format=2&depth=1

The interplay of the number of acute stressors with the level of differentiation. With lower differentiation on offer, family members have heightened sensitivities to others, which is called chronic anxiety. Chronic anxiety in a family is when people live in a continuous state of alertness to threat – especially relationship upsets. 

https://www.anxiety.org/bowen-family-systems-theory-how-anxiety-spreads-affects-loved-ones

The best strategies apply to all stages of life: to work with the motivated family representative (not requiring the symptom bearer to be the focus of treatment). And to focus on the descriptions of relational interactions connected to the family challenge. Asking: who, what, when, where, what next and how? This reveals the patterns of reactivity that family members can choose to adjust. It also allows for a more observing experience for family members rather than a venting and reactive session where insight is difficult to access. Attending to the previous generations of the family is another central strategy – especially getting descriptions of how the family of origin managed a similar life transition. 

https://www.jennybrown.info/overview-bowen-family-systems-theory-different-way-thinking/

https://www.jennybrown.info/podcast/repost-maturity-in-leaving-home/

Using family systems, it does not make much difference whether working with an individual, couple or family. The lens of seeing the family as an emotional unit/circuit is the same and questions come from this effort to see how every member affects each other in different ways. The main rule of thumb is to work with who has the energy and capacity at the time to do the exploration. It is problematic to pull and push family members into attending as it creates a triangle alliance with the keen person and the therapist, with the reluctant member an unwilling outsider (a triangle). It is considered vital for parents to be involved in any child treatment to not increase the ‘sickness’ focus on the child. Ideally the parents do their own work as a valuable intervention for a symptomatic child.

https://www.thefsi.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Inviting-each-partner-out-of-the-fusion_Bowen-Family-Systems-Theory-and-couple-therapy.pdf

Cutoff (both emotional and geographic) is a coping mechanism. It can help people function to relieve the stress of an intense relationship. However, it comes with a new set of challenges with the cut off person vulnerable to fusing (merging) intensely into another relationship. And with fusion there can be a loss of growth of a separate self. A therapist should not advise against cutoff but help a person to reflect on the effects and consider the costs and benefits for themselves. 

https://www.thebowencenter.org/emotional-cutoff

https://www.jennybrown.info/podcast/ep-1-should-i-cut-off-from-my-narcissistic-mother/

I will not see a child without parents agreeing to be part of the therapy. Parents rarely refuse this; however, they always find it hard to shift their anxious focus from the child and put energy into managing the way they relate.

https://www.parentproject.com.au/pro_resources/we-dont-need-your-help-but-will-you-please-fix-our-children/

https://www.parentproject.com.au/pro_resources/video-family-matters-parents-focused-on-fixing-children/

https://www.parentproject.com.au/pro_resources/the-reciprocity-between-parents-and-their-childs-mental-health-treatment-systems-family-systems/

https://www.parentproject.com.au/about-us/

The key is to be a calm and curious presence. Bowen described this method as setting a research tone. This helps anxious family members to calm down and begin to think and explore rather than just vent. A calmer family equates to symptom reduction. The therapist also stays out of side-taking which is essential for the family to mobilize their own problem-solving resources.

https://www.jennybrown.info/adopting-research-attitude-life-significant-relationships-template-guide/

Bowen made sibling position one of his eight key concepts. He drew on the research work of Walter Toman. It isn’t as simple as birth order types. Rather, it is looking for family of origin sibling positions and the degree to which it is compatible for spouses. For example, an eldest daughter with younger brothers will find it easier to function with a spouse who grew up with an older sister (and vice versa for the other spouse.) Getting the facts of sibling position growing up is also helpful for parents’ awareness of their triggers with one of their children.

https://www.thebowencenter.org/sibling-position