Child vs Adult Attachment
EFT: Attachment Science in PracticeThere are some differences between child and adult attachment. For one thing, adult attachment in an adult relationship is reciprocal Both people give each other safe haven and secure-based support, whereas in child-adult relationships, the parent really creates that secure connection. It's the parent's responsibility. The child doesn't turn and take care of the parent. The other thing about that is when you're an adult, you don't need physical proximity all the time with your attachment figure.
You create mental proximity. You carry around in your head mental models of your attachment figure, and you can turn to those mental models when you need support and connection. I always tell a story about how when I immigrated across the sea on a boat to Canada, when I was of just twenty-two and quite scared, I would call up these images of my father's voice in my head. Telling me that I was gonna be just fine and that if something went wrong, he'd find a way to bring me home. And that allowed me to go on the boat and take all kinds of risks till I had this inner sense of connection So as adults, we create these mental representations of attachment figures.
And much of the time, if you think about it in your day, you'll turn to these dramas inside your mind and in your emotions. You'll turn to key dramas with attachment figures for issues about how to deal with things or to comfort yourself. That's just part of the way adult attachment works.