Clues to Preoccupied Attachment
EMDR for Attachment InjuriesAs a clinician, we can look for numerous possible clues to a preoccupied attachment pattern. One clue is that from the get go, that client who is preoccupied is probably coming into therapy of their own volition, and they are driven by just feelings of misery. Their emotions are right there at the surface, very intense, and they are overwhelmed. And so oftentimes, they have behaviors that are trying to fix those miserable feelings. So there may be compulsive behaviors or addictions that will give them an instant relief for the misery that they feel.
The preoccupied individual will often present with generalized anxiety or depressive symptoms, but they will be highly anxious and hypervigilant concerning their relationships. There are certain themes that you might hear again and again. I'm not loved or I'm not lovable or others are not there for me or I'm all alone. And often they will report a void, like a sense of emptiness because they just can't seem to to feel the connection even if a partner or other person is really trying to connect and trying to show care and love.
If you're working in the office with a parent, you might observe the parent is very micromanaging to their children, even looking to their children more to meet their needs rather than really being aware of the needs of the children. Remember that the reason that we're looking at clues is because the client doesn't have the insight. They're not going to be able to report exactly what's happening in terms of their misperceptions. And so it's up to us to conceptualize what's going on, and then that will impact our clinical decisions as the MDR therapists.