Question 1

What's one piece of advice you'd give to someone who's really struggling to sit with their sadness?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

My starting point would be to normalise it: it's normal to feel sad, and it;s normal to struggle with those feelings. 
I'd then want to help them tap into self-compassion:  acknowledging your pain and responding with kindness. I'd ask: if someone you love were feeling this way in simialr circumstances, and you wanted to reach out to them with genuine kindness and support - What kind words would you say to them? What kind deeds would you do for them?

Question 2

If we're not striving for happiness, what should we be striving for?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

I'm not overly keen on the term 'striving'. I prefer 'fostering' or 'building' or 'cultivating'. And there's no 'should' in it 🙂 
Rather than seeking happiness, we are likely to be much better off if we focus on fostering,  building or cultivating a rich and meaningful life. We can do this through living by our values (your heart's deepest desires for how you want to treat yourself, others and the world around you; this gives our lives a deep sense of meaning and purpose.

Question 3

Can money make me happier?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

Yes, if you are below the poverty line, even a little bit of money can make a big difference. But if you're above the poverty line, then for most people, more money makes very little difference to happiness levels.

Question 4

Am I selfish to seek happiness?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

'Selfish' means lacking consideration for others, looking out primarily for things that benefit oneself. So yes, you can pursue happiness in this 'selfish' manner - but you're not likely to be successful. Why not? Because so much of our happiness is due to our relationships with others. If we are caring, kind, loving, compassionate to the people we live with, and we actively look after them and care for them and work on building rich, loving,  relationships ... this will greatly contribute to our own happiness. So we're much better to seek happiness through being loving, generous, caring than through being selfish and inconsiderate.
Of course, we do need to find a balance. We do need to take care of ourselves and look after our own needs, as well as caring for and respecting the needs of others. Otherwise, we'll become exhausted and depleted, or miserable and resentful.. As they say on airplanes, when the oxygen masks drop, put your own on first before assisting others.

Question 5

Is sadness the opposite of happiness, and can it be a good thing?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

Sadness is not the opposite of happiness. Both are normal emotional states that come and go as you live your life. Sadness is a normal, healthy human emotion - a painful feeling of sorrow, usually in response to some sort of loss. Sadness helps us to slow down and reorganise in the face of this loss; to recoup our energy, and take enough time to adjust to the loss, and refocus on what's important.

Question 6

Is too much happiness a bad thing?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

First let's acknowledge there are two different meanings of happiness. The most common meaning of happiness is a sense of pleasure or contentment; the ancient Greeks called this 'hedemonia'. (This is where the word 'hedonism' comes from.) 
Less commonly, happiness is defined as a sense of flourishing that arises from living an ethical and meaningful life, wisely guided by one's core values; the ancient Greeks called this 'eudemonia'. 
I don't think you can have too much happiness in the second meaning of the word. But in the first meaning of the word, there can certainly be problems if you spend too much time and energy and money in pursuit of pleasure, and lose touch with living your values in the process.

Question 7

Are happiness and satisfaction in life the same thing?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

Not really. First let's acknowledge there are two different meanings of happiness. The most common meaning of happiness is a sense of pleasure or contentment; the ancient Greeks called this 'hedemonia'. (This is where the word 'hedonism' comes from.) 
Less commonly, happiness is defined as a sense of flourishing that arises from living an ethical and meaningful life, wisely guided by one's core values; the ancient Greeks called this 'eudemonia'. 
Life satisfaction is an attitude to one's life overall, not just to one's level of happiness; it's an appraisal of all the different elements of one's life, including work, family, friends, health, social life, country of residence etc.

Question 8

How do I know when I’m happy?!

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

First, consider there are two different meanings of happiness. The most common meaning of happiness is a sense of pleasure or contentment; the ancient Greeks called this 'hedemonia'. (This is where the word 'hedonism' comes from.) 
Less commonly, happiness is defined as a sense of flourishing that arises from living an ethical and meaningful life, wisely guided by one's core values; the ancient Greeks called this 'eudemonia'. 
You can tell you're happy in the first sense of the word because you have pleasurable feelings - feelings of joy and contentment.
You can tell you're happy in the second sense of the word when you feel like you're in touch with your core values, behaving like the person you want to be, being 'true to your heart', doing good in the world, caring and contributing, building meaningful relationships.

Question 9

Is there any relationship between happiness and health?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

Yes, there is a connection. When we are looking after our physical and psychological health through exercise, nutrition, sleep, stress management, and social connection, those things correlate with more happiness. Similarly, if we suffer from poor physical and psychological health, that tends to lower happiness levels.

Question 10

What is the role of happiness as an emotion?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

Happiness as an emotion is a form of internal reward system; it signals to us that we have access to something that's important to us. Our ancient ancestors probably felt happy when they had food, shelter, warmth, and a sense of security within and belonging to the group. Today, it's not much different; happiness is a transient emotion that tells us, in this moment we have what we need and want.

Question 11

What is the science of happiness?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

The "science of happiness" is more commonly called "positive psychology". However, "positive psychology" studies much more than "happiness"; you can think of it as the study of how to maximise human potential for a rich and meaningful life. Many different models of therapy come under the umbrella of positive psychology, but the one with the largest research base is acceptance and commitment therapy - which now has over 3000 published scientific studies supporting it.

Question 12

In your opinion, is there any good that has come from the current 'cult of happiness'? Either for individuals or for society overall?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

Yes, there is some good that's come from it, through 'learning the hard way' about what does and doesn't work. Many folks have followed a lot of the pop psychology approaches, which are loaded with inaccurate and misleading advice about how to be happy -  'don't worry, think positive, ask the universe for what you want, rehearse positive affirmations, look at the glass half full' etc. - and they've found in the long term, this stuff  just doesn't work. This is a painful realisation, but it can then lead people to explore scientifically valid approaches to happiness, with a solid research base to support them. Acceptance and commitment therapy, ACT, is one such example. ACT helps people to build a rich and meaningful life while making room for all the feelings  that go it - both the pleasant ones and the painful ones.

Question 13

How to feel happy about the present, when there's major aspects in my life I want to change?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

Don't try to make yourself feel happy; you'll almost certainly fail. Instead, allow your feelings to be as they are. If life is not giving you what you want, painful feelings are inevitable; so the best thing is to learn some mindfulness skills that will enable you to open up and make room for your painful feelings and allow them to flow through you,  and to practice self-compassion.
At the same time, get in touch with your values; consider what you want to stand for in the face of your challenges; and start taking action to build a better life. 
And along with the above, take the time to appreciate all those little moments where life does give you what you want; savour your food, smell the flowers, appreciate moments of connection, etc.

Question 14

Is there a secret to happiness?

Russ Harris · Accepted Answer

No. The factors that lead to happiness are well known and well researched; there are no 'secrets'. These include being loving and kind and caring to yourself and others, looking after your physical health, connectedness with others - especially spending quality time with friends, clarifying and acting on your core values, and developing qualities such as mindfulness, compassion, gratitude, curiosity and forgiveness.

Why Chasing Happiness Makes Us Miserable