People in a cult generally don't understand that they are in a cult! If they did, they would likely try to leave. It is often only on the way out, or after leaving, that people are able to identify that the group is cultic. Key signs of a cult are: isolating members from the outside world, controlling relationships within the cult (i.e. the leader has final say on relationships with family and friends), engulfment within the cult, and, usually, shunning of those who leave (unless they stay useful in some way). Importantly a cult also alternates fear messages with the idea that the cult is the only safe place. A cult will claim to have all the answers to all questions forever, and those answers can only come from the leadership. There are many other warning signs, but these are, I believe, the main ones.

My formal definition of a cult is: A cultic or totalist system is formed and controlled by a charismatic authoritarian leader, (which in later generations may become a leadership group). It is a rigidly bounded, dense, hierarchical and isolating social system supported and represented by a total, exclusive ideology. The leader sets in motion processes of brainwashing or coercive persuasion designed to isolate and control followers. As a result followers are able to be exploited, and potentially become deployable agents, demonstrating uncritical obedience to the group, regardless of their own survival needs.

Once a person has been fully indoctrinated into a cult - the process known as brainwashing - they become isolated from alternate sources of information, from other persons with diverse views, and from any close relationships with trusted others. A trauma, or disorganised bond is formed with the leader or group which in essence means the person experiences chronic relational trauma and a situation of "fright without solution". In a traumatised state such as this it becomes impossible to think clearly and especially to think clearly about the cause of the trauma - namely: the cult. This chronic trauma usually causes the follower to dissociate: to be unable to think about their feelings and their own experience. This allows the cult to explain their experience to them in the cult's terms, which are, by definition false and fictional. People can break this dissociation and this trauma bond if another source of support is available at the right time, where they can reflect safely on what has happened to them. Sometimes people get out because they do access critical information - also at the right time when they have enough resources to be able to act on that information. For more, see my article here: https://www.fairobserver.com/region/north_america/cult-attraction-is-not-a-problem-of-logic-90134/ or my book, Terror, Love and Brainwashing (2nd edition): https://www.routledge.com/Terror--Love-and-Brain-washing-Attachment-in-Cults-and-Totalitarian/Stein/p/book/9780367467715?utm_source=individuals&utm_medium=shared_link&utm_campaign=B012494_dm1_1au_1aj_d741

I subscribe to Judith Herman's 3 phases of recovery. First is establish safety - both physical and emotional. Second is remembrance and mourning. This is the process of the person telling the story of what happened to them through their own eyes and experience, rather than the story told by the cult, which is always a fictional story. But this new story must be told to a non-judgemental listener who will take a moral stance about abuses that have taken place. The third phase is reconnection and moving forward in life having integrated the experience and consigned it to the past. A skilled therapist with an understanding of trauma can help with this, but in my experience, it is critical to find a therapist or support group with a good understanding of how cults operate. Otherwise many misunderstandings can occur. Reading basic books such as Take Back Your Life by Lalich and Tobias; Cults in Our Midst by Singer and Lalich; Combatting Mind Control by Hassan; and my own, Terror, Love and Brainwashing, can all be helpful in learning the basics.

https://www.amazon.com.au/Take-Back-Your-Life-Relationships/dp/0972002154

https://www.amazon.com.au/Cults-Our-Midst-Continuing-Against/dp/0787967416

https://www.amazon.com.au/Combating-Cult-Mind-Control-Destructive-ebook/dp/B00V9DU340

https://www.amazon.com.au/Terror-Love-Brainwashing-Attachment-Totalitarian-ebook/dp/B01M4S0BSL/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Terror%2C+Love+and+Brainwashing&qid=1619032638&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

There are certainly many examples of family cults. I don't think this would be limited to those with "religious conservative" views, but could be of any religion or none. For example the Fritzl case in Austria - where the ideology is unclear. Then there is the family cult depicted in the film, The Wolfpack, and the Maoist cult in London that was headed by Aravindan Balakrishnan. A Mormon family cult is described in the memoir, Educated, by Tara Westover. Some of the large far-right Christian cults, like the Quiverfull movement, or Bill Gothard's Institute of Basic Life Principles, would certainly set up the absolute rule of the father over the rest of the family, though the father himself would then be subject to the authority of the leadership of the church. Whereas in a single family cult the father is the final leader. And finally, what we see as coercive control in a domestic setting - where the father (or could be the mother) psychologically controls the family - looks very similar, and in fact, uses the same techniques as used by cults to control their members.

https://www.amazon.com.au/Educated-international-bestselling-Tara-Westover-ebook/dp/B07142R12X/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Educated%2C+by+Tara+Westover&qid=1619032749&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

It can be exceptionally difficult for families who lose loved ones to a cult. The most important thing is to try to stay in some kind of contact. The cult will be telling the loved one to cut ties with family, and this likely will deeply hurt the family and cause them to feel very angry, often leading to a further split. It's important to try to avoid this where possible (it isn't always possible as the cult will be quite determined in isolating the follower from their family). Steven Hassan has good advice on helping families, see for example this useful article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-mind/202104/the-definitive-guide-helping-people-trapped-in-cult?fbclid=IwAR2e7ZZjyPsKQuqytKDmeWCYIvCZEYyURU2L54lIppGHxB15NzISRVmbYJA . The key things are: ask open and respectful questions; don't confront the cult or its beliefs directly but do discuss other types of groups or situations using psychologically manipulative techniques; reassure the follower that they always have somewhere to return to when they are ready. Above all, try to maintain some kind of connection and don't engage in confrontational behaviours. It is also helpful to talk to other families who have had the same experience.

Cult leaders are considered to be psychopaths (or alternatively, sociopaths) as described by Robert Hare's 20 traits of a psychopath (see Lalich and Tobias' book Take Back Your Life for more details on this). More recently Daniel Shaw discussed "traumatizing narcissism" as a feature of cult leaders. Cult leaders are driven by the need to control others and to control their environment - fringe benefits of this control include sex, money, free labour and so on, but the fundamental need is power and control. They see the world solely in terms of their own needs. It is difficult to assess them as getting a true biography is challenging due to their tendency to self-mythologize. However, it is likely that they themselves had frightening (and I suspect often violent) childhoods in isolated situations. Thus they learn their methods at their caregivers' knee, so to speak. Many also have been through other cults and picked up particular techniques there. So we see the large cults often spawning many others in their wake, led by psychopathic personalities who see opportunities for their own power.

https://www.amazon.com.au/Take-Back-Your-Life-Relationships/dp/0972002154