Question 1

I am in my fifties now. I always have  avoided to gossip consciously since my childhood. I still feel I have been excluded from many groups because of this attitude. Should my children follow my way?

Frank McAndrew · Accepted Answer

By refusing to participate in a gossip network, what you are saying to the group is that you don't trust them and that you are not interested in them, and this is not usually a ticket to social success. I think that you may have a very narrow idea of what gossip is.

Surely, you talk about other people when they are not around?

Gossip is not always, or even usually, negative information. Think of gossip as engaging with the social life of those around you, and think of it as a social skill rather than as a character flaw. You never want to be the back-stabbing, vicious gossip who is out to destroy the reputation of others in a selfish way, but gossip can be a way of building trust with others and protecting the group from exploitative individuals who might take advantage of them.

So, the message to your children should be to be responsible with sensitive information and to not develop a reputation as a "bad" gossip..

Question 2

How do I know if I'm gossiping?

Frank McAndrew · Accepted Answer

If you are discussing information about another person who is not present, especially if you are sharing information that is not widely known, then you are gossiping!

Question 3

How is gossip defined in the psychological literature?

Frank McAndrew · Accepted Answer

Gossip researchers usually define gossip as

1. Talk about another person who is not present at the moment

AND

2. The sharing of information that is not widely known by others

AND

3. The shared information is often (but not always!) something that can be used to make judgments about the character of the person being talked about

AND

4. The conversation is fun and entertaining - we find it hard to stop ourselves.

Question 4

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Question 7

Is gossiping a sign of insecurity?

Frank McAndrew · Accepted Answer

Gossiping CAN be a sign of insecurity, but that is not always the case. A person who is feeling insecure about their status in a social group will certainly be hungry for information about how they stack up against others and what people are thinking about them, so insecurity can definitely be a driver of gossip-seeking behavior. Some individuals will also use a gossip as a weapon against those whom they perceive as rivals.

Having said this, we are always going to be inherently interested in information about people who are socially important to us, and this will be true no matter how secure or insecure you are.

Question 8

Are personality traits linked to gossiping?

Frank McAndrew · Accepted Answer

I would think of interest in gossip and skill at gossiping as a personality trait unto itself. Individuals differ from each other according to how interested they are in information about other people, and they also differ in how skillful they are at knowing when (and with whom) to share information, and when to keep their mouths closed.

Question 9

Does everyone gossip?

Frank McAndrew · Accepted Answer

YES - everyone gossips! However, I will acknowledge that many people apparently believe that they do not gossip. In some cases, they have a very narrow definition of what gossip actually is, and they are unaware that much of their social conversation clearly qualifies as gossip. Others describe gossip as something that OTHER PEOPLE DO, and if they find themselves talking about others, they are merely expressing concern or sharing important information, but certainly they are not gossiping.

Question 10

What is the difference between gossip and rumour?

Frank McAndrew · Accepted Answer

By definition, gossip is talk about a person who is not physically present. Rumors can be talk about possible future events or other things that we are unsure of, and they may or may not involve talk about people.

For example, two employees who are sharing things that they have heard about their company going out of business are discussing a rumor, but most gossip researchers would not call it gossip. The same two employees discussing whether or not the boss is having an affair with a subordinate would clearly be gossiping.

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